I’m not really sure which blog to post this on, so I’ll probably just post to both. Today I found out that one of the twins has stopped growing, and his/her heartbeat is slowing. We were warned that this was a possibility (about 50%, my doc said), but I figured that having two genetically tested embryos growing in there meant that we would have two babies. I figured that everything I have been through meant that I deserved two babies. Certainly I would be exempt from further loss.
At this point, I give myself a gentle smile.
I know better than that. There is no limit to the amount of suffering we will experience in our lives. I am grateful that one twin remains and looks healthy. I am worried, of course, that I will lose him/her too. I am still trying to process that I am losing one of the lives inside of me. Still trying to figure out how to grieve. Still trying to understand that there is nothing I can do.
There is nothing I can do? It seems impossible to have so little control over something so intimately connected with my body.
I don’t know how to finish this post, except to say that thoughts and prayers are appreciated. Right now we feel a little hopeless and broken.
Such sad news!! Unfortunately, this is so very common in IVF pregnancies but also extremely devastating. My own pregnancy with Tru started with all 3 embryos implanting and 2 vanishing. I’m so sad that you are having to go through this. Its absolutely awful knowing there is nothing you can do.
I’m so sorry. You are in my thoughts.
Lots of prayers coming your way… so tough to lose one you love so much. Even though the time was short, there is no measure of a Mother’s love. I am so sorry.
Thinking about you and the loss of your baby! I don’t have any words that can really do the situation justice. Just sending comfort vibes your way.