Sorry guys, I know it has been a long time since my last post. A lot has happened, and my head is still spinning.
It took another week or so before Baby B’s heartbeat stopped. It was truly awful to see him on the monitor, a little blob lying still in the bottom of his sac while his brother wiggled around. They did ask if I wanted them to turn the screen, but I said no. I needed to see him. I needed to say goodbye.
I didn’t know at the time that I had two boys–I found out about a week later. One of my docs was kind enough to break protocol and share my PGD results.
Since then, Baby A has continued to grow and thrive. Last week we could even see his boy bits! He is very active every time I get an ultrasound–lots of kicking and punching and twisting. Man, I am in for it.
I’ve been getting ultrasounds weekly, at this point. My OB said that is totally fine. She is more than willing for me to have extra monitoring after all the shit we have been through. But I think after my screen for tube defects next week I will only be getting doppler’s for a while. We’ll see what she says. Through all the spotting and cramping Baby A continues to thrive, and I want so badly to trust that he is going to come home in our arms, but it’s so hard. I was going to try and go sans ultrasound this week, just to see if I could, but I caved today and booked an appointment for Friday. Why fight it?
The emotions have been hard. I’ve had some other symptoms, too. The worst is that I can’t seem to do any physical activity without cramping and/or spotting. I walked a mile two days ago and am still having cramps. I can’t get a straight answer from the nurses. They’re all “I’m sure it’s nothing, but if it makes you feel better, take it easy.” Looking forward to my face-to-face with the doc next week to hash this out. If I can’t exercise, I can’t exercise–I’m fine with that. I just want to know what’s what, you know?
One of the other symptoms I’ve been struggling with is slow digestion. I’m already at a disadvantage with my preexisting digestive problems (IBS and gastroparesis), but around week 11 it’s like I hit a digestive brick wall. Water, veggies, and prune juice weren’t cutting it. I finally took a max dose of colace and seem to be doing better, but I have no idea if I need to continue on a low dose to keep from getting stopped up again or if I should be good without for a few days. Another question for the doctor, I suppose.
In the midst of all this: we’re moving! The first house we put an offer on fell through, but we managed to find another place. It’s bigger, but unfortunately more expensive. The Hubs swears we can afford it. I trust him, but it still makes me nervous. We finally got our closing date set (4/25), so we basically have this weekend and next week to pack. I can’t do much without getting crampy, so most of the work is going to fall to him. Sigh. I wish I could go out of town and come back to my new house, completely unpacked.
Phew! I’m exhausted just typing all this! I’ll check in again after the move 😀