28 Weeks

I haven’t been posting much, and there are a few reasons why. One is that my book is being published! It will come out in spring 2015. I am over the moon, but it’s a lot of work on top of moving into a new house and trying to prepare for parenthood. Another reason I haven’t been posting is that I still feel superstitious. Like I can’t believe this is happening. Like if I talk about it or think about it or get too invested something will go wrong. I am trying to plow through as if everything will be fine–I have a nursery full of crap as proof–but there you have it. I’m still terrified. And probably the last reason is that I’m all over the place with thoughts and emotions. One day I am fine and the next I am a fucking basket case. I feel like I can’t complain–I am so, so, so grateful to be where I am. Down-on-my-knees-kissing-the-ground-grateful. But I’m having some difficulties as I enter the third trimester, and I’m struggling. Sleep is elusive, despite the fact that I’m exhausted. The past few days have been a digestive nightmare. I’m going to call my OB tomorrow to make sure that all this gas/bloating/pain/diarrhea is nothing serious. I suspect that it’s just a day in the life of a pregnant lady with IBS and gastroparesis, but of course I always fear the worst.

You guys, the second trimester was so good–I think I got spoiled.

So there you have it. The closer we get to due date the more nervous I become. I had really hoped it would be the other way around! I’m trying to keep a regular meditation practice to help me through and just do the best I can to take care of myself physically. I’ll try to check in more often here, and share some of the good stuff.